Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Direction to Venus, anyone?

I'm still trying to figure out women. Is it just me?
Do I have a problem?
Why do the wrong words keep coming out of my mouth?
Why haven't I learnt to just 'shut up' and listen?
Why haven't I learned that there is a huge difference with relating to other people and relating with my girl?
Why haven't I learned that being objective is the last thing to be with your woman?
After roughly 15 yrs in the women business?!
I would have thought I was a veteran by now.
But yet, I still make stupid mistakes.
Which man (or woman, for that matter) knows the fastest route to Venus.
Thats where they say women are from, right?

''Sweetheart?'' My angel says.
''Huh'' I answer (typical, isn't that?)
''Are you listening?'' She says.
''Most definitely'' I answer.
''Had a bad day at work today. I was accused of collecting my per diem twice by a disrespectful chap. He went on to say nasty things about me and Nigerians and that he had reported the case to my boss.'' She was calling me from South Africa.
''Uh huh?'' I answered, at the same time trying to conquer the marauding germans in a war game I was playing on a pc.

Thankfully she didn't notice my distraction.
At this point, you can roll your eyes in exasperation. Yes, I know.

''Thank God I was calm, so I explained to him that it wasn't possible, but the guy was irate. Anyway he showed me where I had supposedly signed for the money and it wasn't my signature. Someone forged my signature! I became very upset with him and gave him a piece of mind. I wasnt even in SA on that date!'' She went on.
''How much was this?'' I asked?
''$50'' she answers.

I sigh. In my mind, of course. I'm not that stupid.

''Later, he finds out that it wasnt me and apologises but says he still can't find who did it. I told him that he hasn't heard the last of this. Anyway, my company is sending someone from Naija to come in to SA to investigate,'' she continues.

At this point, I come alive. My first question?
''Wait, wait, wait. Your company is actually sending someone on a plane from Nigeria to South Africa to investigate a $50 fraud?'' I ask.
That was where the gentle admonishing started.

I have to end the conversation here.
We ended up resolving it like two people in love usually do.
Looking back, I know I should have roundly condemned the hopeless man who had the nerve to slander my woman. I should have asked for his number to threaten the lives of his wife and children.
I should have let him know that NO ONE talks to my woman that way.

If anyone, I repeat, anyone, messes with my 'nwanyi oma', he/she will have to answer to me.

Posted by at 8:01 am |  
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