Monday, January 28, 2008

sex, hormones & remembering

What is it called in menfolk?

I remember hating girls while I was a kid and would not be caught dead sitting beside a girl.

I remember my dad picking me up from primary school and asking if a girl I was with was a friend. NO WAY! I retorted. Denying my class mate for no sensible reason.

I remember being a kid and wondering what the heck men were doing looking at a woman's behind as she walked by when there are more interesting things to look at on her chest.

I remember being a teenager and just beginning to notice that girls are ALL (tall, short, ugly, whatever) attractive, primarily because of the assets they develop as they grow up.

I also remember being a teenage christian and asking God to remove this strange addiction I was developing of looking at women as they walked past. It was a SIN, I wanted to make heaven.

I remember me mum taking me to a church and the pastor laying hands on me and praying the hell outta my soul. ''Young man'', he says. ''Women will be your problem. You have to be very careful'' (emphasis, my own)

I remember getting into university and wondering what the heck I was doing wasting my life when my friends were getting laid in secondary school. I was on a roll.

I remember thinking to myself one day, ''what vice do I have?'' I didn't drink, smoke or womanise. I made up my mind to start on all three.

I remember the many times I prayed to God for forgiveness and still went back the very next month, or was it week? or day??!

I remember meeting my girlfriend, (soon to be fiance this April) and knowing immediately that my wandering days were over, thanking God for bringing me the loveliest girl I had ever met.

Why do I remember these things?
Probably because Christians are not supposed to live such lives?
Or I'm just going through a reminiscing bout?
I really don't know.

I just remember.
P.S. I sent a txt to my woman: ''Hello Sweetie, I remember you'' In a very fond & loving way. She replies ''Ehen, its just remember you remember me abi?'' I was like: ''You won't understand baby. I'm just in the remembering mood''
What did I say wrong?
I love this girl!
Sunday, January 20, 2008

Apple & iphone

Talk about me being impatient and not doing proper investigations first!

Sometime in december '07, I ordered for an iphone from the US.
Yeah, I know its sim locked and all that but I figured it could be cracked.

Anyways, it arrived and I was excited of course.
Went online to look for the best way to crack it.
After hours of browsing, I found out that the curren version of the iphone - v.1.1.2 has not been cracked?@!

Pissed off, but what the heck, make the best of it.

Eventually succeeded in unlocking it to use the ipod functionalities, so, I can listen to music, use the camera, calendar, etc.
BUT no phone functions.
Hopefully soon, some whiz kid will post the unlock code online.
I'm really praying for this otherwise $400 would have gone down the drain.

Anybody want an iphone, almost new?
Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Direction to Venus, anyone?

I'm still trying to figure out women. Is it just me?
Do I have a problem?
Why do the wrong words keep coming out of my mouth?
Why haven't I learnt to just 'shut up' and listen?
Why haven't I learned that there is a huge difference with relating to other people and relating with my girl?
Why haven't I learned that being objective is the last thing to be with your woman?
After roughly 15 yrs in the women business?!
I would have thought I was a veteran by now.
But yet, I still make stupid mistakes.
Which man (or woman, for that matter) knows the fastest route to Venus.
Thats where they say women are from, right?

''Sweetheart?'' My angel says.
''Huh'' I answer (typical, isn't that?)
''Are you listening?'' She says.
''Most definitely'' I answer.
''Had a bad day at work today. I was accused of collecting my per diem twice by a disrespectful chap. He went on to say nasty things about me and Nigerians and that he had reported the case to my boss.'' She was calling me from South Africa.
''Uh huh?'' I answered, at the same time trying to conquer the marauding germans in a war game I was playing on a pc.

Thankfully she didn't notice my distraction.
At this point, you can roll your eyes in exasperation. Yes, I know.

''Thank God I was calm, so I explained to him that it wasn't possible, but the guy was irate. Anyway he showed me where I had supposedly signed for the money and it wasn't my signature. Someone forged my signature! I became very upset with him and gave him a piece of mind. I wasnt even in SA on that date!'' She went on.
''How much was this?'' I asked?
''$50'' she answers.

I sigh. In my mind, of course. I'm not that stupid.

''Later, he finds out that it wasnt me and apologises but says he still can't find who did it. I told him that he hasn't heard the last of this. Anyway, my company is sending someone from Naija to come in to SA to investigate,'' she continues.

At this point, I come alive. My first question?
''Wait, wait, wait. Your company is actually sending someone on a plane from Nigeria to South Africa to investigate a $50 fraud?'' I ask.
That was where the gentle admonishing started.

I have to end the conversation here.
We ended up resolving it like two people in love usually do.
Looking back, I know I should have roundly condemned the hopeless man who had the nerve to slander my woman. I should have asked for his number to threaten the lives of his wife and children.
I should have let him know that NO ONE talks to my woman that way.

If anyone, I repeat, anyone, messes with my 'nwanyi oma', he/she will have to answer to me.

Monday, January 14, 2008

1st world, 3rd world crap

I wonder who invented or started this 1st/3rd world crap.

Whatever happened to 2nd world?

What is the basis/criteria for being labeled a 3rd world country?
100 storey skyscrapers?
Constant power supply?
Efficient public transportation?
Hygienic public toilets?
Lack of potholes?
Number of billionaires in the country? Number of broke assed people?
Length of traffic jams?
Education levels?
Freedom of speech?
Number of plane crashes?
Number of people connected to the internet?
Infant mortality rate?
Gross Domestic Income?
Level of debt?
Oil producing, non-oil producing?
One tribe/culture/language?
Crime rate?

Or, are 1st world countries simply snubs?

Shopping malls in KL

This one.....
Honestly, I dont know where to start from.

It seems every street here has a mall.
From Bukit Bintang to Putra to KLCC to Mid Valley to Jalan Ismail to Berjaya times square to bla bla bla
And some of them are huge!
Every woman's dream come true.
Trust me, you will spend everyday of one week in malls in this town and you wouldnt even have gone halfway.

Was at Mid-Valley mall, and after 1hr, I was tired and wanted to go home.
It took me another 30mins trying to find the exit I came in from.
My feet were aching and I had to sit down for a few minutes just to catch my breath!

English, la?
They have a problem with that here too.
Granted, I hear its worse in countries like France, Germany, Japan, China etc but it does get frustrating sometimes. Especially when you are lost and need to ask for directions and all you get is a mumble or gibberish and the only word that stands out is ''la''.
Thats kinda like our 'sheh' (shebi), 'abi' etc in Naija.

Anyways, ladies!
Come to Kuala Lumpur - the shoppers paradise. (I'm paid for the advertorial)

Nigerian bloggers

In the recent past, there has been a lot of press around Nigerian bloggers.
I never actually looked into one until I stumbled upon one online.
Then another, and another, and another....
Good grief!
We are everywhere. And we do it well too.
I was impressed.
Turns out some of them even have a followership too.
Very good.
At last we can share our views for the whole world to read.
Even heard there was a Naija blog party or something in Lagos.
You guys have all the fun. At least compared to other parts of the country.
I've given up on complaining about PHC.
Forgive me if you love PHC, but the town has hopelessly lost its appeal.
Funny though, PHC guys hate Lagos and would never live there.

5 years ago, young guy, transferred to PHC, big send off bash will be held, everyone asking for when they can come visit him. Telling him to take it easy on the groove/chics, etc
Fast forward to now: young guy transferred to PHC, all night prayer meeting, everyone telling him to stay indoors, avoid groove/chics

pity me.

But, since I'm still in KL, I'm not bothered.
When I get to that bridge, I'll cross it.
Monday, January 07, 2008

Illegal immigrant?@!

Ok, thats a laugh :)
Me? Illegal immigrant?

Well, I am almost there. After this weekend at the very least. In Malaysia! WTF!
A few days to go and some immigration police would be knocking down my door.

Came in to work with a visitor's permit.
Turns out Malaysia gives a maximum of 2 weeks stay to any Nigerian on a tourist/visitors visa.
My work permit is work in progress, but...... wont be ready for another 2/3 weeks.
And I have 6 more days to go before visa expires.

Went to the Imigressen dept in Putrajaya and stood in line for like 4hrs just to get a visa extension.
Eventually get told (in Malaysian English) to tell my company people to come over themselves.
My company then tells me, ''We have immigration specialists here. We'll handle it for you. But we'll submit it on Friday''
Friday! I exclaim. My visa expires on Sunday!
''Don't worry'', I am told.

Now, I'm worried.

So now, I am waiting.
Will let you know then....
Sunday, January 06, 2008

First Sunday in KL...

Still haven't been able to adjust to the time zone thing.
I sleep late and wake up late.
Slept by 3am last night and woke up by 10.30!

Had planned to go to one church I found online but service time was for 9am.
I missed it.

So what do I do?
Go right back to sleep.

Anyways, here I am, browsing, just plain chilling.
Am I this freaking lazy or what?!

Apparently, I cant send texts to Naija gsm lines apart from Celtel.
Very few of my friends have that.

Looking for business prospects here.
Electronics here are relatively cheap, as well as food and taxis.
I should be trying to look at hitting the big time during my 3 months here.
In due time, in due time.
Friday, January 04, 2008

7 hours!

7 frigging hours ahead of Naija!
How am I going to cope?

My first 3 nights here and my eye just dey do shine shine bobo.
Heck, I was wide awake. Sleep no wan gree come.
Even had dinner by 3am on the second night!

My body has refused to adjust to the time lag or time fast forward. As the case may be.
Hopefully it will soon.

Had my first proper Malay meal today - Nasi Lemak. Actually, I think its Chinese.
Rice + cassava chips + chilli sauce + plenty tiny dried fish + chicken + roasted groundnuts + cucumbers.
All in one plate. Or should I say, paper :)

What I've been eating all this while? A combination of Mcdonalds (yes, they have 'em here) & KFC's. Against my doctor's orders.

I went for a medical checkup a coupla weeks ago and the dotor says:
''Young man, do you excercise?''
Me: ''No way Sir. I'm a virile young man, my production level is high, no fat except the slight belly''
Doki: ''Well, you have a high cholesterol level''
Me: ''Doki, no vex oh, but what the heck is cholesterol and how that one take affect my life?''

And the man goes on to explain that it could lead to heart attacks and strokes.
That sat me up, quickly.

So, I'm off red meat, anything fried, chicken skin, egg yolk, bla, bla, blah.
I'm in deep shit.
How I'll survive on fish alone, (not even fried!) only God knows.
Sushi somebody? Anybody?

Moral of the story?

Get yourself a total check up once a year.
You never know.

Previous 6 months

Quick update on the missing 6 months.

I have met my wife.
Been going out for about 7 months now, and I know she's the one.
Any doubters, STEP UP!

I have become the son of an Anglican priest. Sigh... (Nwa reverend)
Now, I have to clean up my act.
Aaaargh! The 'be nice' attitude that has to follow :)

Thats all.

You see, life is really strolling past me!

3 months!

3 months since my last blog entry!
I am getting very lazy at this.

Flew into Kuala Lumpur via Dubai on business class!
Not to my fault. It was my first time on Emirates business class.
Darn! Those chairs were comfy!
Don't even let me start on that.
It was crappy!

Anyway, I arrived 2 hours before the New Year 2008 and met some spectacular fireworks in the city.
Will be here for 3 months, so I have enough time to do everything :P

Ok, here's the deal.
30 years ago, Malaysia was on the same economic level with Naija.
Today, they have left us in the dust.
The country is cool.
Will post updates later on my escapades.
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