shirak!

Recently, there has been a media blitz by Nokia and Garmap, both different companies on the introduction of GPS and local maps in Nigeria.
I never gave it much thought until I started seeing huge Nokia billboards advertising this and asking people to go to maps.nokia.com
So I went online and trawled through this site looking for something related to Nigeria.
I clicked on world, selected Africa and it only listed about 8 African countries with maps and a link for non-navigable countries. Nigeria was listed as non-navigable.
What the heck was Nokia talking about?
I was so pissed that I called a friend that worked with Nokia and ranted that his company were mega frauds.
We laugh over it and he tells me to go here.
And so, I do.
Apparently, only a few Nokia phones support this maps thingy. Amongst the few is the popular E71. This phone is one of the most popular phones in Nigeria. Lagos at least. So popular that its now being called "pure water" (named after cheap nylon wrapped water sold everywhere in the country for N5 - N10 /8c) And it costs N50,000 - $320!

I download the Nokia sync application and Maps setup and loader file to my laptop and sync to my phone. Encountered one issue but the website was helpful resolving this.
Voila! Its up and running.

Google Earth for me, was mind blowing when it hit pc's a few years ago.
However the maps for Nigeria was not exactly on par. It was pretty good for some parts of Lagos and Kano, I think, but most parts of Nigeria were not street mapped. And the street names were largely inaccurate. Also, huge clouds blocked out large swaths of Lagos

Nokia maps beta 3.0 is awesome.
It totally rocks!
At least, as far as Lagos is concerned.
I have been using it for about 2 days now and it works pretty well.
You do need your network's 3G or gprs network to download the voice for directions and even some of the maps apparently. However, you can get free WiFi hotspots at some locations in town.
The street maps, so far have been accurate.
The GPS positioned me automatically at my exact location. Though it kept tripping off.
The satellite view gives you pictures of the actual building. I was able to locate and see my office on Lagos Island and my parents home in Aguda, Surulere. I could even see the cars in the mechanic workshop next to my parents home!

Now I know outside the country, this is very much common place.
For us here, it is novel. Very novel.

So this morning, I tried using the directions to get to work and it did a very good job.
The route it chose for me was not exactly the best so I ignored it and made another turn and the nice "britico" female voice said "recalculating route". It went ahead to recalculate the route I was going to use. It even tracked the one-way streets and routed me accordingly. It picks up the churches, restaurants, fast food joints and even filling stations. Too cool!

Garmap, based on their website, charges N10,000 for their maps.
So far, Nokia looks free. But I think I only have a 7-day navigation license. After that, I'd see what options are available. Hopefully cheaper than Garmap.

Vera's radio blog was excellent last Tuesday.
Had the opportunity to talk and chat with GNG, DiamondHawk, Funmie, Queen Vee, Miz Cynic, Naijadude (I think) and a lot more. Bagucci made a cameo appearance but his line cut off. A lot of them stayed on after the radio show to chat on. Me, I had to go snooze. It was 12 midnight on a work day in Naija.

Kachifo

Spotted in a Nigerian newspaper - The Punch of 27th May.

All pictures taken with my camera phone, so pls. forgive the poor quality.
Nokia, take heed!

I got this cake delivered to my office on my birthday sometime in February.
First marriage birthday.
I wanted it low key or no-existent.
But no, J had something else in mind.
She surprised me with this and loads of small chops - samosa, hot buns, fried snails, suya meat, and drinks in my office.
'She don put me for high jump'
Her birthday comes up in a couple of months.
I need to start thinking.



Driving in Lagos stumbled me upon these 2 pictures:
This one was on 3rd Mainland bridge (longest bridge in Africa). At dusk.

Open van with Lord knows how many people on it.

This was an open house MI (Mr Incredible), mini show that J and I stumbled upon at the Silverbird Galleria a few weeks ago. I don't understand why ladies love this fella.
He good though he's just a short black guy. Any MI fans out there?

And the finale?
I was at the NEPA (PHCN - Power Corporation) office a few weeks ago to sort out the usual power problems and I stumbled on this bulletin stapled to their notice board.



Its not too clear off course, but I have transcribed below:

NATIONAL UNION OF ELECTRICITY WORKERS
PRAYER SESSION FOR ALL MEMBERS
In view of the recent developments in our sector, the National Secretariat based on pupular demand has considered various appeals for a prayer session to seek spiritual fortification in the battle against oppressive administration.
Consequently, Friday 27th March 2009 has been declared for prayers. In this prayer, we have to ask God for the following among others:

1. O God, destroy them that want to destroy us.
   
2. O God, trouble them that trouble us, scatter them that want to scatter us.


3. Father Lord, if you need to transfer, transfer, if you need to kill, kill, if you need to demote, demote for us to receive the wages of our labour.


4. O God, let your will be done in PHCN.

Members are therfore urged to give total compliance to this prayer session.

The Struggle Continues.

JOE AJAERO
General Secretary

Emphasis mine.
I leave my comments to myself.

I was actually thinking about it.
I was thinking, do I love my wife?
Was in church a few days ago and the preacher compared the love of man and woman to the love of Christ and the church.

He loved the church unconditionally.
He didn't say, "you are not reciprocating my love to you, so I'm not loving you anymore"
He bore the absolute humiliation and became man for my sake.
His grace (unmerited favour) is always sure.
I treat him like shit but he's always there when I need him.
He gave His life for me.

Wives have an easier task - submit to your husbands.
For husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church.
Forever forgiving. Unquestionably. Regardless.
Even if it means paying the untimate price.

I felt my eyes water when I thought about this particular love.
Is this really the kind of love I should have towards my wife?
Is this what I feel towards her now?

For almost two weeks now, I have rarely eaten the same meal twice.
I have clean clothes to wear always and have not washed any this year.
Our home is always kept in excellent condition.
When I get back from work after her she welcomes me with a hug/kiss and helps carry my work bag into the room.
We discuss every thing from family to work and her advice is sometimes, definitely God sent.
This is just the tip of the iceberg.

And I'm still thinking....

Yes, I'm in love with my wife.
Selah

Discussions about God and human beings are unfortunately not just that.
They quickly degenerate into arguments and sometimes fights.
Sometimes, deaths occur. Other times full scale wars over who and what God is erupts.
Basically, Man's relationship with God has been a love - hate relationship.

I think one's relationship with God, or lack of, is a personal thing and should be kept as such.

In Nigeria, we have 2 distinct religions - Christianity and Islam and a fast depleting 3rd, traditionalists (Juju). Atheists exist but they are rather too few to be measured.
In most parts of the country, they have lived together in peace with a few exceptions.
Religious clashes between muslims and christians have occured almost entirely in the northern part of the country.

I was listening to a radio program recently where users call in to confess publicly to whatever issues they were dealing with and the only suggestion the radio host could give was "you should talk to your pastor".

It suddenly struck me that we do not have the same social structure the western culture has.

If your child has issues understanding things or is slow in talking or walking at an early age?
- Take him/her to your pastor. Deliverance may be in order. Forget the fact that it could be autism.

If you have difficulty in having kids?
- Go see a man of god. An ancestral/generational curse may have been placed on you. Forget the fertility clinic.

If you have marital issues with your spouse?
-Why haven't you seen the evangelist all this while? Wetin be marital counselor? What do they know?

Looking for a husband, wife, business opportunity, handout, free food?
-Go to CHURCH. The LORD will answer your prayers there. Thats the best place for social networking.

If you go through stress at work/home and begin to think everyone is against you?
-Go for 40days dry fast with prayers. Psychiatrists have no idea what they are dealing with.

As a start up business man, if you suddenly suffer a huge loss?
-Somebody from your village must be after you. Go to church and pray for your enemies to "Fall down and DIE!" Forget the fact that you made an error in judgement and should have gone to entrepreneurial school.

When you suddenly need a large amount of money for whatever?
-Sow a BIG seed/offering in church. The more you sow, the more you reap. Banks ask for too much collateral anyways and their interest rates are killing.

If you feel down and out and need inspiration?
-Where best to go to than a church mid-week or Sunday service/mass. Inspirational speakers don't know 'diddly squat'

Mental problems and even physical health issues?
-Go for deliverance. God first, doctors or shrinks next.

Combine this with the Nigerian entrepreneural tendency and you get:



Its amazing how very intertwined with God our daily lives as Nigerians are.
We see God everywhere.

Is this extreme? Or is this what it should be?

Just read up that the average woman is born with about 300,000 eggs inside her.
What?! Google it if you think I'm lying.
Are we talking about the same kinda egg that we eat regularly? Or at least something close?
Sweet LORD.
Yeah, I know I came from an egg, but 300,000 in one body?!
How in the world can men deal with that?

I always knew something was wrong with womenfolk.
They are truly from Mars! Aliens.

300,000 eggs!!!

It's official.
The losses in the Nigerian Stock Exchange are the W.O.R.S.T. at least, out of 89 markets.

It's amazing.
Other countries have rioted, implemented drastic measures, implemented bail outs, etc.
But we?
We just trudge on.
No one says anything.
Our president is a mute.
I'm not even sure we have a finance minister.
Have you heard of him/her?
And now, we are the absolute worst?
No wonder we were once rated "Happiest Country" in the world!
Kill us and we'd laugh at you.
Ha! I laugh in the face of death!

Nigeria’s stock market, Africa’s best performer during the past decade, posted the biggest declines worldwide in the first quarter as bad loans to speculators pushed bank valuations to an all-time low.
The Nigerian Stock Exchange All Share Index fell 37 percent this year, the steepest quarterly decline in more than a decade and the worst of 89 benchmark indexes tracked by Bloomberg.

Continue reading here

As for my personal stock portfolio?
Rest In Peace.

I bequeath them to my great grand kids.

I work in an open office environment with roughly 30 people of mixed nationalities and religion.

So, I'm at work and this ring tone of "You are blessed................; you are blessed.................; etc etc. Somebody shout hallelujaaah!" by pastor Chris Oyakhilome, I believe, on maximum volume, has been assaulting our senses rather regularly.

This has been going on for a few weeks now.
For some reason, the phone owner leaves the phone to ring for a while just to get the full impact of the blessing.
Wait a minute!
Its not just one of them.
There's two of 'em with this ring tone!

So, this morning, I'm at work again and have been blessed a few times already.
Next thing we hear is "Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahu akbar!"
For the next 10 minutes, work could not proceed further as we were reduced to laughing uncontrollably.
I'm afraid now of what we will hear next week.

In the famous words of LG "Norrin do dem"

Why is it unfashionable to say that "Homosexuality is wrong?"
And fashionable to say that "Homosexuality is only human?" "I love homo's!"

Why is discrimination based on people's sexuality equated to discrimination based on race? (or tribe, for that matter)

Why do the Western world die for 'freedom of speech/rights' then SHOUT! against the rights of majority of Nigerian's to pass a law that criminalises homosexual marriages? (note that this is different from actually having same sex outside marriage)

Why do 'queers' say they were born 'queer'.
My God.
Could it be...... that perhaps, they are right?

What the heck is 'queer' anyways?

Queer - according to Webster's dictionary
Pronunciation:
\'kwir'\
2 a: differing in some odd way from what is usual or normal b (1): eccentric , unconventional (2): mildly insane : touched c: absorbed or interested to an extreme or unreasonable degree : obsessed d (1)often disparaging : homosexual (2)sometimes offensive : gay 4b

Our (slightly crazy) Foreign Affairs Minister told the United Nations that there are no homosexuals in Nigeria.
“During our National Consultative Forum, we went out of our way to look for gay, lesbian and transgender groups but we could not come across Nigerians with such sexuality”, Madueke said. He further informed the audience that his ministry located only one woman of lesbian orientation and when invited to participate in a discussion on the rights of gay and lesbian persons, the lady informed his Ministry that she was pregnant.

Blatant lie of course.
But, do you blame him?
There was nothing he could have said that those 'oibo' people would not have used against him.
Why not say something stupid - a la Ahmadinejad (who said something similar once)?

If it is not clear yet, I am a Christian.
Oh, and I have broken all the 10 Commandments and a whole lot more.
With the exception of number 6 - murder and number 7 - adultery (adultery is fornication after marriage right?) At least not yet :P
Am I different or better than 'queers'?
I dare say, probably even worse.
Heck, homosexuality is not even listed in the 10 Commandments.

Does this justify it?
Does this make it right to be homosexual?
I think not.

So, while the Nigerian House of Assembly is deliberating this bill to criminalise gay marriages, they might as well start with criminalising the 10 Commandment + 1 infringements.
The +1 is for corruption.

By the way, the Naija Bloggers Award is still ongoing. Especially the male blogger section. *wink*wink*
Hop over and do your thing.

To all you bloggers who consistently update with posts, week in, week out, I 'pour out a l'il liquor' (no thanks to 2Pac) on your behalf.
How you guys do it, I clearly have no clue.

So, I'm a just keep pushing it the way I know how - inconsistently.
One of GNG's peeve's.

108 days of marriage now.
I shouldn't be counting, I know. I'm in this forever. But what the heck.
I am counting. Shoot me.
108 days of living with J in my parents house.
108 days of her not cooking for me. (We eat all sorta junk + my folks do a fantastic job of sending food over to the BQ when we really do need it)
108 days of different estate agents calling me from work that they've seen a 'correct' place for me.
108 days of me dashing off from work for 2hrs to go inspect silly apartments that I can't imagine living in.
108 days of fighting with J and making up, of laughing and crying, of praying and arguing, of bliss and strain. But most importantly, of love.

So, I eventually got a place last week.
J wasn't so excited at first especially as the house ranked as the ugliest on the street and the rent cost didn't help matters. But I saw it as it is to become and managed to convince her to feel the same way too. We paid for the place and the landlord has given us 1 month free to renovate it.

I've never seen J so busy.

The paint colours for the sitting room, kitchen and rooms have changed as much as 20 times in the past 3 days. I kid you not. I just smile and snuggle up to her while she virtually paints/repaints the rooms on the internet. Ok, I lie. I curl up in a corner and read my book, answering 'uh huh', 'nice' to 'What do you think of peach and lavender?', 'violet and burgundy?', 'fuschia and indigo?'

What do you expect me to say?

I only think in primary colours - red, blue, green, yellow. Throw in black and white for good measure.

LASTMA - LAgos State Traffic Management Authority caught me not breaking any law 2 weeks ago (on my birthday) in a very amateur way. Very silly of me.
I still have not returned to my old aggressive Lagos driving self. I need to wake up.

They stopped the car in front of me, then walked around to stand in front of my car on Eko bridge. One of them walks over to the passenger side and asks me to wind down. I do so, but only a small bit. While he was talking, another comes over to my side and asks me to open the door. Only God knows how, but the one on the passenger side managed to squeeze his hand through the window (I think the guy was specifically employed because he had thin hands) while I was distracted and opened the door. Sharp guys.

I just smiled and asked what I had done. Two of them, (in the car by now) went on to explain some gibberish to me which made no sense.

So, in no mood for bullshit, I told them to take me to their office where they would prove the offence. If guilty, I would pay.
They told me we could settle before we go.
I refused.
'Take me to the office. We will follow due process'

I drove off to their office but they told me to park on the street just before the office and went on to tell me I would pay a N25,000 or N50,000 naira fine in the office depending on my traffic offence and go to get a certified fit-to-drive report from a psychiatrist before I could leave with my car.

Anyway, bottom line is that I negotiated with them and paid off N5,000 eventually.
Sad, I know. Especially after my 'gra gra' and I take full responsiblity.

Tobenna is promoting corruption.
Scratch that, I am corrupt.

I should have just done this:


So, I'm looking for a miniature camera to fix in my car so I can capture such delicate negotiations in video for your viewing pleasure. Anyone know where I can get one?

On a side note, I wonder where all my friends are.
They don't call no more. We don't hang out no more. Why?
Is it because I'm married?
Ok guys. You can come out now. I'm done with my honeymoon phase.

P.S. I asked for volunteers to run the Glo marathon with last week and not one person did.
Sad to note that most people are unfit.
When last did YOU work up a sweat?

Keep fit!
I watched bits of the marathon on TV that morning. I couldn't wake up early enough.
Besides, it sounded too stressful.

As to consistency, I can't do it.
Not on this blog at least.

Today is Ash Wednesday. The beginning of the Lenten period.
I wonder why we Pentecostals don't mark this.

I always thought that this yearly half-marathon was done in November.
It looks like this years' has been scheduled for February 21st - less than 3 weeks from now.
Online registration expires 10th of Feb.

So, are there any bloggers or blog readers that would like to do this as a team?
Just for fun?
I may. If others join me.
We could all just pretend to run/walk/crawl the distance but generally sweat, make noise and have fun.

I'll try to convince my girlfriend (she likes that, since she's wifey now) to join us, I doubt if I'll succeed though.

A half-marathon is 21km.
Now I'm scared. I think I should do the 5km race on the 14th