Thursday, April 17, 2008

scattered collection + the male truths contd.....

This is the first time I'm blogging from work and I feel terribly guilty, so I'm going to make this quick.
Thanks for your comments on My Women
Really don't know what brought that up, it was just the way I felt. And still feel.

Why is there a plethora of blogs originating from women?

I'm probably looking in the wrong place, but are women the only ones that blog on emotions, feelings, love?

Isn't there some masculine nigerian blogger somewhere that writes on female conquests, gadgets, electronics, sports? Male centered activities? Where? Where?
I'm beginning to feel emasculated (Currently watching Grey's Anatomy, that explains the word) Sorry. Did I say Grey's Anatomy? Na, I don't watch that. 24 is for me(getting tired of it though) . Oh, and Boston Legal. I love Denny Crane.

Think I'm beginning to yarn 'opats'?

I never start.
Facebook is not all bad...
A friend updated her profile early last week to say she was Malaysia.
Promptly sent her an FB nessage and she responded. She's around with another friend for about a week @ the Ritz Carlton in Bukit Bintang. Downtown Kuala Lumpur.
I was delighted oh. People I knew from Naija. Hallelujah! I went straight to the hotel from work on Tuesday and we hung out till like 1 am eating all sorts of Malaysian delicasies. I was proper feeling like some local already.

So, I hear fuel is scarce in Naija again.

I spoke to a friend in Lagos last week and he told me his driver had been out hunting fuel for 27hrs before he finally got a gallon!

WTF is going on there?!
No fuel in the car, so can't go out. Stay at home. No electricity. No fuel to run generator.
What to do?
I can't even think of that.
Ok, it's not that bad. At least we should get power for like 8hrs a day, right?

I hear they have regular power cuts in South Africa now.

Another friend that works with a multinational in Ibadan told me their South African colleagues flew in to Nigeria to understudy how they run the Nigerian business with generators.
Nigeria is now the standard of measure for power inefficiency.
Nuff said.

I've made up my mind.
I'm selling my car as soon as I get back to Naija and getting another bike.
The car is just sitting in Port Harcourt(PH) rusting... Anybody want a 2006 Corolla?
I live in PH, a big village. (My apologies to PH people) But for some reason, the town irks me.
I should be able to zip around when I need to move. Except when my wifey comes visiting. What the heck, she'll ride with me. Now, I just need to convince her.

male truths continued....

Secret 2:

We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you.
This is a dicey one, so first things first:
We love you to death.
We think you're fantastic.
The best thing to happen to us.
Most of the time we're absolutely thrilled that we've made a lifelong vow of fidelity to you in front of our families and friends at a bloody expensive wedding. (Enjoy yours OluwaDee)

But most of us didn't spend our formative years thinking, "Meehn, I just can't wait to settle down with a nice girl so we can grow old together."

Instead we are/were obsessed with how many women who resembled Eva Mendez we could have sex with before we turned 30.
Generally it takes us a few years (or decades) to fully perish that thought.
Infact, I still secretly habour mine. What the heck, I'm not married yet, am I?

Secret 3

Earning money makes us feel important.
I hear it is becoming more common for a girlfriend/wife to earn more than her bobo. Sometimes, even almost double. Infact, I think I stumbled on a Naija blog recently where the writer and her bobo decided that she would earn the cash, while he takes care of the kids (house husband). Ask Naija Chickito
This of course is a terrific development for all women in the workplace and all men warmly embrace it, right?
Yeah, well, that's what we tell you. But we're shallow, competitive egomaniacs.
You don't think it gets under our skin if our woman's bringing home more 'ego' than we are?
Someone I know told me earlier that he checks his wife's payslip regularly to see how much more he makes than her. He's recently been noticing that she's been closing the gap on him as she works harder (of course) and he's beginning to panic...
Solution: ''honey, don't you think you should take some time off work? Like a couple of years? Our kids don't really know who you are anymore''
Like he really cares..

Secret 4

We don't really understand what you're talking about.
You know how, during the day, you sometimes think about certain deep, complex "issues" in your relationship? Then when you get home, you want to "discuss" these issues? And during these "discussions," your man sits there nodding and saying things like "Sure, I understand," "That makes perfect sense" and "I'll do better next time"?

Well, we don't understand. It doesn't make any sense to us at all. And although we'd like to do better next time, we could only do so if, in fact, we had an idea of what you're talking about.

We do care. Just be aware that the part of our brain that processes this stuff is where we store the latest Arsenal/Chelsea/ManUtd./Enyimba/Shooting Stars football statistics. It does get pretty cluttered.

Or when we've had 2 or 3 or 4 dates with you, maybe even made out once/twice/thrice, we are just chilling, having a good time, and you ask strange/heavy questions. From nowhere.
Just out of the blue. No warnings or premonition.
''So, what are we doing?" Huh? "I mean, where is this going?"
Alarm bells start RINGING in our heads.
We understand this one.
Pleading Sydelle's fifth won't work here.
It means, Expressly clarify your objectives with me, NOW.
Another sample question:
What would you do if Eva Mendez (shit, she knows) wants to sleep with you?
Em, em....

P.S. I stumbled upon Afrobabe's post on Naija men yesterday
Darn, I felt good.

I'm still at work! Oh shit!!


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