Thursday, April 10, 2008

Men Secrets (Maybe part I)

I was in JS3 and 14yrs when I learned a vital lesson about love. My babe/crush at the time, Feyisade, was stunningly cute and frighteningly smart. And me? Let's just say I was an adolescent Will Smith (remember HITCH?) or better still, Steve Urkel (Family Matters) to her budding Gabrielle Union.

I was well aware of my good fortune.
You know the drill, when I was with her, my chest was out, tummy in. Yellow cheque uniform, prim and proper. White stockings and brown sandals to match. Boarding house style.
See me, Tobenna, hanging out with 'fine babe'.
Na yam?
Then one day in school, while chatting with her after an inter-school debate, some cutie from FGGC Benin walks by, wearing a tight red cheque and 'above-the-knee' uniform strutting her near non-existent backside (common ladies, I'm sure you remember this move) but well endowed breasts. Boy, was I distracted. Suddenly Feyi turned to me. "Were you looking at her?" she asked. "Do you think she's pretty?"
My mind 'wan scatter die'.

Of course I was looking at her!
Of course she was pretty! I paused for a second, then decided to play it straight in my stupid youthful honesty.
"Well, yeah," I smiled sheepishly.
Three days later our lovey-dovey game was over.

At this point, my mind has wondered to the first time my arm brushed against a girl's breasts in my JS2. Damn, it felt good. I brushed it again ;accidentally', and got a slap I deserved. I deviate.
Back to the jist.

There comes a time in every man's life when he discovers the value of hiding the 'base' parts of his nature. He starts reciting the sweet nothings you long to hear:

"No, baby, I rather hang with you than the boys"

"No, baby, really, you can take my car out."

"No, baby, I wasn't looking at that babe wearing a wet t-shirt"

We're not lying, exactly. We're just making things...well, easier.
These white lies are pretty innocent, but they can turn confusing.

Many women think, If he's lying about himself, is he also lying about something else?
Is he having an affair?
And so, in the interest of clearing the air, I'm willing to share some of the private truths we wouldn't normally confess to.

I will not confess to them outside this blog.

Some are a bit silly. Some you've always suspected. Some are surprisingly sweet. (Guys don't like to reveal the mushy stuff) But read on, and you may discover that the truth about men isn't all that ugly.

Secret 1:

Yes, we fall in lust 10 times a day, but it doesn't mean we want to leave you.

When you ask "Were you looking at her?"

The stupid answer is "No oh, I was just admiring God's work"

The truthful answer is "Yes, we were."

If you're sure your man doesn't look, it only means he can see clearly from the corner of his eye.
When a woman walks by, even if I'm with my girl, my vision picks it up.
I fight the urge to look, but I just have to. I'm really in trouble if the woman walking by has her cleavage or more sticking out.
Granted, we men are well aware that our 'sizing up' the babe doesn't sit well with you.
But really, our passing glances pose no threat.
It's not that I want to make a move on her
Looking at other women is kinda like a radar that just won't turn off.

I read a related article to this online and it was just too true .
So, I have taken the pleasure to cannibalise/distort/plagiarise/customise it as I see fit.
It was not originally written by me.
Nevertheless, let me have your thoughts....
If you want me to continue, I will add the other secrets or, shall we call them truths....
Post by post.
Posted by at 9:24 am |  
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