shirak!

I decided about 2 weeks ago that I needed to find out what night life in Kuala Lumpur was like. I'm not a club person, but what the heck, I might as well check it out.

Here I was, a total stranger in this town. No friends, no nothing. Apart from my colleagues at work. That meant I had no idea of what the town at night was like.

At about 8pm the following Saturday, I go online. Googled 'nightlife+kuala lumpur' and got tons of results. Hmm, good start.

After about 2 hours of sifting through websites, I settle on the 2 most popular choices - Beach Club and Hard Rock Cafe (that name sounds familiar). These were supposed to be the two ''happengiest :)'' joints in night time KL. Also found out that their clubs close by 3am. Very strange.

Anyways, I add the two addresses to my phone, look at the clock - 10pm and decide its time to hit the mean streets of KL.

I wave a cab, tell him Beach club, expecting to reel out the address of the place to the guy, but he says ''Ok, come in'' Hmm, seems the place is popular. ''Use the meter, la'' I tell him.

The place is impossible to miss. Bright neon lights on the streets, music blasting, people everywhere, I'm there. Apparently, its a street of joints.

Nice place though. Half the joint is indoors, half is outdoors. They have two sharks in a big aquarium inside. I stroll in and I'm stopped by a bouncer? He directs me to a sexy looking babe who points me to a displayed price list. Before I enter, I must pay for a drink at thrice the normal price - RM45. (I always do a mental conversion to $ & N just for comparative analysis) I pay up, get ink stamped on my palm, grab my drink and enter. Live band playing, when I say live band, I do not mean a Naija live band oh. A proper band playing rock songs that sound a lot like the originals.

The place is filled up. All sorts. guys, babes, chinco's, indians, whites, black? Wait oh, no blacks. I'm the only black person up in here! Funnily, thats the first time I realise that I have seen very few black people here since I arrived. (That's a topic for another post) I suspect the place is an expatriate hangout though.

I find a free seat and begin bumping my head to rock music! Hoping no Naija person catches me here. (Imagine going to a club and dancing to ROCK music in Naija) They also have a huge screen currently showing an english premiership game which some apparent brits were watching.

No shortage of babes here oh.

Permit me to digress and describe Malaysia and its women.
The country has 3 main groups/tribes/whatever - Malays 60%, Chinese 30% and Indians 10%, using rough estimates.

Chinese babes are the grooviest, but physically, not much - tiny ''nkiru'' and non existent ''azuka''! They love to wear short things.

Indian babes are boottyful and really hot. They dress sexy too.

Malay babes are cool too, but they are all moslems. They are not allowed to go to clubs. Typical dressing comprises of a head scarf (compulsory), blouse/t-shirt and a pair of pants (jeans).

I hit the dance floor and the chics are everywhere solo. Infact, all over. Some climb the tables dancing. A few smile at me, one approaches me for a dance, I oblige. Imagine dancing to rock. Any body part movement is accepted. As far as you are moving it aggressively

I begin to get suspicious. Are they prostitutes? I come out for fresh air and sure enough, there were a few of them soliciting by the road. WTF! Did I come to the wrong place or what?

I stop a cab and tell him to take me home. On our way, he asks me ''My frien. You want woman la?'' I say ''What?'', refusing to believe what I just heard. ''I say, you want fine fine woman? I give you real woman. Not man who look woman la.'' Shaking my head, I mutter to myself, ''this town is crazy''. I've just been offered a woman for the night at in the same sentence been told that some women here are really men!

I'm curious now. ''I no unnerstan. What you mean?'' I ask. ''I take you to real woman. You choose. Difren type. This one here, men la. Preten to be woman. They do surgery to change.'' ''But they look like women!'' I exclaim. Jesus! I've been dancing with men!

''Take me home, pls!'' ''LA!''

Since then, I look at ALL women here suspiciously. Are they really women? Are those bobbies real? What do they really have down there?

But, I had fun. Told one of my colleagues at work the next week that I was at the Beach Club and he goes ''Why! It's a prostitute place and most of them are Pinoy. (Philipinos - Another formidable force in the KL night scene) People just go there for pickups''.

''Whatever.'' I say.

That got me thinking, I suddenly realise why almost all the expats that come to work/visit Lagos ask to be taken to 'ynot'. That place is the most popular joint in Lagos for expats. But non of the locals go there. I've never been there. Don't ask me why. But I think it has to do with the number of ''ashis'' there. http://www.ynotclub.com/

Lesson learned. Don't rely on google for everything. Sometimes, it pays to ask around.