Tuesday, August 26, 2008
fatwa+bride price+relationship observation
Did you hear of Mohammed Bello Abubakar. The guy from Niger state that made iternational headlines a few weeks ago?
He is married to 86 wives and has at least 170 kids.
I say this with awe and respect.
As far as I'm concerned, he's a living LEGEND.
How does he manage?
Not like I want to be like him, but, imagine sleeping with different women everyday without the need to show emotion or whatever.
I need to sit at his feet and learn.
Managing one woman, for me is as impossible as ever.
Now, guess what?
Some Nigerian moslem umbrella group - Jamatu Nasril Islam (JNI) has issued a fatwa on his head unless he repents within 3 days
In simple english, a fatwa is a death sentence.
Why would they want to do this to him?
What would happen to the scores of people he is responsible for?
What would happen to the 86 women who call him husband and the 170 kids that call him "papa"?
Now, I'm asking myself, of what business is this to me?
Igbo women are expensive to marry due to their dowry rates
a) False
b) True
c) Sometimes true but not always
d) Very very TRUE
For most Nigerians, the answer is d.
Wrong.
The real answer is c.
Let me clarify.
I'm from Anambra state.
The dowry rates here vary from N60 (50 cents) to N15,000 ($120) depending on the village.
And that's all you pay.
There is also a customary list of yam tubers, clothes, whisky etc.
That's fair enough, I think.
Its more ceremonial than necessary.
J, my fiancee or fiance (however that is pronounced/spelt) is from Abia state.
The dowry here is interesting. (That's understating it)
I will not go into details.
Suffice to say that it can break a guy's account.
Pray for me :)
Let me quickly add that no amount of money can pay or compensate for your wife to be.
Women
Why are some women quick to argue with their men over any issue?
After OluwaDee's advice "Do not argue with your husband in public"
Jinta added "may i qualify the 'best advice'? never argue with your husband. period. it sounds medieval, but you can get your point across without having to argue and men always respect, even fear, that"
Let me take the liberty to clarify this.
A relationship is not a competition for control or independence or free will or whatever.
Women can control their men very easily. Infact, too easily.
Honestly, its not something we are happy to admit to you.
The popular saying "There is a woman behind every successful man" rings too true.
If you marry the right man, he is a sucker for you.
He would do anything to please you. There is a caveat to this.
If you know how to get it out of him.
It is a very subtle method. Almost invisible to the naked eye, but it almost always works.
Confrontation never works.
If you do not know it, ask a woman who is happy and successful in her relationship.
A downright challenge in whatever way, is an affront to our oversized ego.
A throw down.
One that our sometimes senseless pride would not accept.
We would be forced to stamp our feet down and enforce our wishes.
It is our weakness and you know it.
Use it.
Thanks for your honeymoon recommendations from my last post, y'all.
However, I need specifics.
Down to the hotel to stay in, places to visit and things to do. Preferably from personal or second hand experiences.
Any suggestion outside Asia is welcome.
He is married to 86 wives and has at least 170 kids.
I say this with awe and respect.
As far as I'm concerned, he's a living LEGEND.
How does he manage?
Not like I want to be like him, but, imagine sleeping with different women everyday without the need to show emotion or whatever.
I need to sit at his feet and learn.
Managing one woman, for me is as impossible as ever.
Now, guess what?
Some Nigerian moslem umbrella group - Jamatu Nasril Islam (JNI) has issued a fatwa on his head unless he repents within 3 days
In simple english, a fatwa is a death sentence.
Why would they want to do this to him?
What would happen to the scores of people he is responsible for?
What would happen to the 86 women who call him husband and the 170 kids that call him "papa"?
Now, I'm asking myself, of what business is this to me?
Igbo women are expensive to marry due to their dowry rates
a) False
b) True
c) Sometimes true but not always
d) Very very TRUE
For most Nigerians, the answer is d.
Wrong.
The real answer is c.
Let me clarify.
I'm from Anambra state.
The dowry rates here vary from N60 (50 cents) to N15,000 ($120) depending on the village.
And that's all you pay.
There is also a customary list of yam tubers, clothes, whisky etc.
That's fair enough, I think.
Its more ceremonial than necessary.
J, my fiancee or fiance (however that is pronounced/spelt) is from Abia state.
The dowry here is interesting. (That's understating it)
I will not go into details.
Suffice to say that it can break a guy's account.
Pray for me :)
Let me quickly add that no amount of money can pay or compensate for your wife to be.
Women
Why are some women quick to argue with their men over any issue?
After OluwaDee's advice "Do not argue with your husband in public"
Jinta added "may i qualify the 'best advice'? never argue with your husband. period. it sounds medieval, but you can get your point across without having to argue and men always respect, even fear, that"
Let me take the liberty to clarify this.
A relationship is not a competition for control or independence or free will or whatever.
Women can control their men very easily. Infact, too easily.
Honestly, its not something we are happy to admit to you.
The popular saying "There is a woman behind every successful man" rings too true.
If you marry the right man, he is a sucker for you.
He would do anything to please you. There is a caveat to this.
If you know how to get it out of him.
It is a very subtle method. Almost invisible to the naked eye, but it almost always works.
Confrontation never works.
If you do not know it, ask a woman who is happy and successful in her relationship.
A downright challenge in whatever way, is an affront to our oversized ego.
A throw down.
One that our sometimes senseless pride would not accept.
We would be forced to stamp our feet down and enforce our wishes.
It is our weakness and you know it.
Use it.
Thanks for your honeymoon recommendations from my last post, y'all.
However, I need specifics.
Down to the hotel to stay in, places to visit and things to do. Preferably from personal or second hand experiences.
Any suggestion outside Asia is welcome.
