shirak!

I work in an open office environment with roughly 30 people of mixed nationalities and religion.

So, I'm at work and this ring tone of "You are blessed................; you are blessed.................; etc etc. Somebody shout hallelujaaah!" by pastor Chris Oyakhilome, I believe, on maximum volume, has been assaulting our senses rather regularly.

This has been going on for a few weeks now.
For some reason, the phone owner leaves the phone to ring for a while just to get the full impact of the blessing.
Wait a minute!
Its not just one of them.
There's two of 'em with this ring tone!

So, this morning, I'm at work again and have been blessed a few times already.
Next thing we hear is "Allaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahu akbar!"
For the next 10 minutes, work could not proceed further as we were reduced to laughing uncontrollably.
I'm afraid now of what we will hear next week.

In the famous words of LG "Norrin do dem"

Why is it unfashionable to say that "Homosexuality is wrong?"
And fashionable to say that "Homosexuality is only human?" "I love homo's!"

Why is discrimination based on people's sexuality equated to discrimination based on race? (or tribe, for that matter)

Why do the Western world die for 'freedom of speech/rights' then SHOUT! against the rights of majority of Nigerian's to pass a law that criminalises homosexual marriages? (note that this is different from actually having same sex outside marriage)

Why do 'queers' say they were born 'queer'.
My God.
Could it be...... that perhaps, they are right?

What the heck is 'queer' anyways?

Queer - according to Webster's dictionary
Pronunciation:
\'kwir'\
2 a: differing in some odd way from what is usual or normal b (1): eccentric , unconventional (2): mildly insane : touched c: absorbed or interested to an extreme or unreasonable degree : obsessed d (1)often disparaging : homosexual (2)sometimes offensive : gay 4b

Our (slightly crazy) Foreign Affairs Minister told the United Nations that there are no homosexuals in Nigeria.
“During our National Consultative Forum, we went out of our way to look for gay, lesbian and transgender groups but we could not come across Nigerians with such sexuality”, Madueke said. He further informed the audience that his ministry located only one woman of lesbian orientation and when invited to participate in a discussion on the rights of gay and lesbian persons, the lady informed his Ministry that she was pregnant.

Blatant lie of course.
But, do you blame him?
There was nothing he could have said that those 'oibo' people would not have used against him.
Why not say something stupid - a la Ahmadinejad (who said something similar once)?

If it is not clear yet, I am a Christian.
Oh, and I have broken all the 10 Commandments and a whole lot more.
With the exception of number 6 - murder and number 7 - adultery (adultery is fornication after marriage right?) At least not yet :P
Am I different or better than 'queers'?
I dare say, probably even worse.
Heck, homosexuality is not even listed in the 10 Commandments.

Does this justify it?
Does this make it right to be homosexual?
I think not.

So, while the Nigerian House of Assembly is deliberating this bill to criminalise gay marriages, they might as well start with criminalising the 10 Commandment + 1 infringements.
The +1 is for corruption.

By the way, the Naija Bloggers Award is still ongoing. Especially the male blogger section. *wink*wink*
Hop over and do your thing.

To all you bloggers who consistently update with posts, week in, week out, I 'pour out a l'il liquor' (no thanks to 2Pac) on your behalf.
How you guys do it, I clearly have no clue.

So, I'm a just keep pushing it the way I know how - inconsistently.
One of GNG's peeve's.

108 days of marriage now.
I shouldn't be counting, I know. I'm in this forever. But what the heck.
I am counting. Shoot me.
108 days of living with J in my parents house.
108 days of her not cooking for me. (We eat all sorta junk + my folks do a fantastic job of sending food over to the BQ when we really do need it)
108 days of different estate agents calling me from work that they've seen a 'correct' place for me.
108 days of me dashing off from work for 2hrs to go inspect silly apartments that I can't imagine living in.
108 days of fighting with J and making up, of laughing and crying, of praying and arguing, of bliss and strain. But most importantly, of love.

So, I eventually got a place last week.
J wasn't so excited at first especially as the house ranked as the ugliest on the street and the rent cost didn't help matters. But I saw it as it is to become and managed to convince her to feel the same way too. We paid for the place and the landlord has given us 1 month free to renovate it.

I've never seen J so busy.

The paint colours for the sitting room, kitchen and rooms have changed as much as 20 times in the past 3 days. I kid you not. I just smile and snuggle up to her while she virtually paints/repaints the rooms on the internet. Ok, I lie. I curl up in a corner and read my book, answering 'uh huh', 'nice' to 'What do you think of peach and lavender?', 'violet and burgundy?', 'fuschia and indigo?'

What do you expect me to say?

I only think in primary colours - red, blue, green, yellow. Throw in black and white for good measure.

LASTMA - LAgos State Traffic Management Authority caught me not breaking any law 2 weeks ago (on my birthday) in a very amateur way. Very silly of me.
I still have not returned to my old aggressive Lagos driving self. I need to wake up.

They stopped the car in front of me, then walked around to stand in front of my car on Eko bridge. One of them walks over to the passenger side and asks me to wind down. I do so, but only a small bit. While he was talking, another comes over to my side and asks me to open the door. Only God knows how, but the one on the passenger side managed to squeeze his hand through the window (I think the guy was specifically employed because he had thin hands) while I was distracted and opened the door. Sharp guys.

I just smiled and asked what I had done. Two of them, (in the car by now) went on to explain some gibberish to me which made no sense.

So, in no mood for bullshit, I told them to take me to their office where they would prove the offence. If guilty, I would pay.
They told me we could settle before we go.
I refused.
'Take me to the office. We will follow due process'

I drove off to their office but they told me to park on the street just before the office and went on to tell me I would pay a N25,000 or N50,000 naira fine in the office depending on my traffic offence and go to get a certified fit-to-drive report from a psychiatrist before I could leave with my car.

Anyway, bottom line is that I negotiated with them and paid off N5,000 eventually.
Sad, I know. Especially after my 'gra gra' and I take full responsiblity.

Tobenna is promoting corruption.
Scratch that, I am corrupt.

I should have just done this:


So, I'm looking for a miniature camera to fix in my car so I can capture such delicate negotiations in video for your viewing pleasure. Anyone know where I can get one?

On a side note, I wonder where all my friends are.
They don't call no more. We don't hang out no more. Why?
Is it because I'm married?
Ok guys. You can come out now. I'm done with my honeymoon phase.

P.S. I asked for volunteers to run the Glo marathon with last week and not one person did.
Sad to note that most people are unfit.
When last did YOU work up a sweat?

Keep fit!
I watched bits of the marathon on TV that morning. I couldn't wake up early enough.
Besides, it sounded too stressful.

As to consistency, I can't do it.
Not on this blog at least.

Today is Ash Wednesday. The beginning of the Lenten period.
I wonder why we Pentecostals don't mark this.

I always thought that this yearly half-marathon was done in November.
It looks like this years' has been scheduled for February 21st - less than 3 weeks from now.
Online registration expires 10th of Feb.

So, are there any bloggers or blog readers that would like to do this as a team?
Just for fun?
I may. If others join me.
We could all just pretend to run/walk/crawl the distance but generally sweat, make noise and have fun.

I'll try to convince my girlfriend (she likes that, since she's wifey now) to join us, I doubt if I'll succeed though.

A half-marathon is 21km.
Now I'm scared. I think I should do the 5km race on the 14th

After going through glassdoor recently, I just thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to have data like this by Nigerians and for Nigerians.

So, I'd appreciate it if you follow the link and answer the single question survey.
It is only for people working in Nigeria though.

Click Here to take survey

Yes, No; Yes, No;....yes, no;...... hmm..... NO!

Thats how difficult it is to answer this question.
People will answer yes or no, based on the way their lives have been shaped/influenced by their social interactions.
Is it possible to answer this question objectively?
I think it is rather difficult.
Kinda like - Is there a God?

This is my take.
People are born blank.
Just a clean white/black board.
We become what we eat, where we live, who we interact with in a very complex way such that it is impossible to have 2 people eating the same thing, living in the same place and interacting with the same people being exactly the same.
Though we are born blank, we are born with different gifts and weaknesses that also interact with the above.
So, combine my love for my ego with my weakness for not caring for others; and my childhood of savage beating from my dad with my love for fighting (war) games; and my good leadership skills with my religious zeal; and a history teacher I admire that taught German Nationalism almost fanatically, and you get a Hitler.

There is no logic to this. No science. It just happens.
Are there 'good' genes and 'evil' genes?
Not sure.
But, I can conclude that people become good or evil. Not born.

My thoughts.
What are yours?

As promised earlier:



1 hour only

of marriage, that is.

The last two months have been ultra busy for me for two main reasons.
I got married.
I've been transferred to Lagos from Port Harcourt.

In between these two, I don't have a car anymore(I sold it, like I said I would here); I moved all my stuff from my PH apartment to a BQ (boy's quarters - I wonder why it's so called) at my parents place in Lagos where I'm currently squatting with my wife (did I just say wife? and squat?); We are house hunting and I am mobility impaired.

I had no clue that I would be going through all this within this period and frankly, it has been very trying on my relationship with J. I'd be honest, she is the very best I could hope for. Period.
So, I have said nothing about my wedding and honestly do not intend to say much.
It went well with only minor hiccups compared to what I hear about weddings.
Didn't tell her about the honeymoon plans until 3 hrs to the flight which made her really excited.
Dubai was great just like some of you recommended.
Did almost everything. Wild Wadi, Indoor skiing, mini shopping for the wife, swimming in the lovely beaches in the blistering sun, safari (not for weak stomached) etc.
We ended up with barely $5 left in our pockets on our way back to Lagos!
That was November.

December, just before Christmas, I moved back to Lagos with all my PH bachelor pad belongings.
Which was better for J (she works in Lagos), especially as I left her in the BQ all alone in the loving embrace of my parents :P
Ok, I admit a lot of wives would refuse to do that. But she's not them. She's J.
So, we are looking for a decent 2/3 bedroom apartment on the Lagos mainland, with proximity to the island. Anyone know any available ones or contacts?

I'm a husband now.
I wear my wedding band on my right hand.

Wait a minute! 'Shwepps!' I forgot the ring at home!

Truthfully though, there are some things that I miss now that I never thought of.
a) I can't hang out with the boy's on weekends and do nothing but chase or at least ogle at beautiful women. Ok. I can still ogle, but I do that with her. Its more fun. Only one look though.
b) I can't just wake up one day and disappear or take a trip, solo. To wherever. As I please.
c) Being on my own.
d) An emotionless relationship with myself & buddies hours on end with my PS3

To further tell the truth, my life is a whole lot better.
a) I'm a lot neater (not like I was not before)
b) I have my bath every night (sigh)
c) I have great meals!
d) I have someone I can tell almost anything. A best friend.
e) I do things for people that I would never have done before
f) She has gradually taken over buying clothes for me and dresses me with style. Yep.

Notice that this list is longer than the previous.

Yeah, yeah. I know. Just 60 days.
I'll let you know if anything has changed in a year's time.
I expect it to. A sexier wife as evide

I'll put up a link to some pictures for about an hour next Monday morning.

Happy New Year everyone!



P.S. Jarrai, Naijalines and Mizchif, can you send me invites to your blogs? If there are others that have gone VIP too, just generally invite me abeg. Or do I have to beg? My email address is on my complete profile page.

okada

Can this be the most popular Nigerian picture this year?
Who took the picture?

Can somebody who knows somebody(apparently, thats how things work in Naija) tell the airport officials to fix the AC's, reduce the wait time for luggages and expand the arrival terminal of the Lagos International airport!

I took a few weeks off work and the internet to attend to some personal issues.
Now I'm back!

It seems a lot has been happening in my absence.
A floating hotel in Lagos.
Kid witches being burned in Akwa Ibom! Shocking!!
The Nigerian Stock market indices taking further dips in Lagos. Sigh.
New Governor in Edo.
Uzoma Okere beaten in Lagos by mad naval personnel.
Former EFCC boss, Ribadu being investigated.
GNG coming to have fun in Naija
OluwaDee going for NYSC
Princesa touring the west coast of Africa and then showing up for my wedding!
Afrobabe disappearing
Struggling to understand FFFlorida new blog - Ruffin' it
and plenty more that I need to go and catch up with

KAI!
I'm dizzy.

I have avoided putting up any post that relates in anyway to my upcoming vows.
Vows of absoluteness. Totality.

The title says it all.
I have gotten ice cold feet about getting married.
No, I did not just develop this now.
It has always been simmering in the background but I've managed to push it to the furthest corner of my mind successfully until now.
A category 6 storm. Quietly brewing. Gathering steam.
Hurricane Tobenna
Now! Its jumped to a category 2!
(Or is it a category 2 to 6?)
And it's threatening to blow my head OFF!

I'm getting married in about 3 weeks time.
3 weeks!
23days and 20hours!!
My life as I know it now is about to end!

Now if you ask me what the problem is, or what exactly I'm scared of, I will not be able to give you an answer that makes sense. My excuses can only be understood by menfolk. I hope.
I have no doubts about J.
She's my best friend and the sweetest thing to happen to me.
I'm truly lucky to have her to myself for the rest of my life.

But still....
I'm freaking SCARED!

What if.
What if..
What if...
What if....

Honestly, I've run out of what if's.

WHAT IF?!

NIGERIAN nationality was for me and my generation an acquired taste like cheese or better still like ballroom dance. Not dancing per se for that came naturally, but this titillating version of slow, slow, quick, quick, slow performed in close body contact with a female in rivalry with an elusive beat....

This was the introduction Professor Chinua Achebe made in a speech last week in Lagos for The Guardian newspaper's silver jubilee. For me, his speech was interesting, challenging and enlightening.
In my mind, there are very few better writers.
The Noble prize for literature does not deserve him.

Click here for the whole speech.


What are your thoughts?