shirak!

Recently, there has been a media blitz by Nokia and Garmap, both different companies on the introduction of GPS and local maps in Nigeria.
I never gave it much thought until I started seeing huge Nokia billboards advertising this and asking people to go to maps.nokia.com
So I went online and trawled through this site looking for something related to Nigeria.
I clicked on world, selected Africa and it only listed about 8 African countries with maps and a link for non-navigable countries. Nigeria was listed as non-navigable.
What the heck was Nokia talking about?
I was so pissed that I called a friend that worked with Nokia and ranted that his company were mega frauds.
We laugh over it and he tells me to go here.
And so, I do.
Apparently, only a few Nokia phones support this maps thingy. Amongst the few is the popular E71. This phone is one of the most popular phones in Nigeria. Lagos at least. So popular that its now being called "pure water" (named after cheap nylon wrapped water sold everywhere in the country for N5 - N10 /8c) And it costs N50,000 - $320!

I download the Nokia sync application and Maps setup and loader file to my laptop and sync to my phone. Encountered one issue but the website was helpful resolving this.
Voila! Its up and running.

Google Earth for me, was mind blowing when it hit pc's a few years ago.
However the maps for Nigeria was not exactly on par. It was pretty good for some parts of Lagos and Kano, I think, but most parts of Nigeria were not street mapped. And the street names were largely inaccurate. Also, huge clouds blocked out large swaths of Lagos

Nokia maps beta 3.0 is awesome.
It totally rocks!
At least, as far as Lagos is concerned.
I have been using it for about 2 days now and it works pretty well.
You do need your network's 3G or gprs network to download the voice for directions and even some of the maps apparently. However, you can get free WiFi hotspots at some locations in town.
The street maps, so far have been accurate.
The GPS positioned me automatically at my exact location. Though it kept tripping off.
The satellite view gives you pictures of the actual building. I was able to locate and see my office on Lagos Island and my parents home in Aguda, Surulere. I could even see the cars in the mechanic workshop next to my parents home!

Now I know outside the country, this is very much common place.
For us here, it is novel. Very novel.

So this morning, I tried using the directions to get to work and it did a very good job.
The route it chose for me was not exactly the best so I ignored it and made another turn and the nice "britico" female voice said "recalculating route". It went ahead to recalculate the route I was going to use. It even tracked the one-way streets and routed me accordingly. It picks up the churches, restaurants, fast food joints and even filling stations. Too cool!

Garmap, based on their website, charges N10,000 for their maps.
So far, Nokia looks free. But I think I only have a 7-day navigation license. After that, I'd see what options are available. Hopefully cheaper than Garmap.

Vera's radio blog was excellent last Tuesday.
Had the opportunity to talk and chat with GNG, DiamondHawk, Funmie, Queen Vee, Miz Cynic, Naijadude (I think) and a lot more. Bagucci made a cameo appearance but his line cut off. A lot of them stayed on after the radio show to chat on. Me, I had to go snooze. It was 12 midnight on a work day in Naija.

Kachifo

All pictures taken with my camera phone, so pls. forgive the poor quality.
Nokia, take heed!

I got this cake delivered to my office on my birthday sometime in February.
First marriage birthday.
I wanted it low key or no-existent.
But no, J had something else in mind.
She surprised me with this and loads of small chops - samosa, hot buns, fried snails, suya meat, and drinks in my office.
'She don put me for high jump'
Her birthday comes up in a couple of months.
I need to start thinking.



Driving in Lagos stumbled me upon these 2 pictures:
This one was on 3rd Mainland bridge (longest bridge in Africa). At dusk.

Open van with Lord knows how many people on it.

This was an open house MI (Mr Incredible), mini show that J and I stumbled upon at the Silverbird Galleria a few weeks ago. I don't understand why ladies love this fella.
He good though he's just a short black guy. Any MI fans out there?

And the finale?
I was at the NEPA (PHCN - Power Corporation) office a few weeks ago to sort out the usual power problems and I stumbled on this bulletin stapled to their notice board.



Its not too clear off course, but I have transcribed below:

NATIONAL UNION OF ELECTRICITY WORKERS
PRAYER SESSION FOR ALL MEMBERS
In view of the recent developments in our sector, the National Secretariat based on pupular demand has considered various appeals for a prayer session to seek spiritual fortification in the battle against oppressive administration.
Consequently, Friday 27th March 2009 has been declared for prayers. In this prayer, we have to ask God for the following among others:

1. O God, destroy them that want to destroy us.
   
2. O God, trouble them that trouble us, scatter them that want to scatter us.


3. Father Lord, if you need to transfer, transfer, if you need to kill, kill, if you need to demote, demote for us to receive the wages of our labour.


4. O God, let your will be done in PHCN.

Members are therfore urged to give total compliance to this prayer session.

The Struggle Continues.

JOE AJAERO
General Secretary

Emphasis mine.
I leave my comments to myself.

To all you bloggers who consistently update with posts, week in, week out, I 'pour out a l'il liquor' (no thanks to 2Pac) on your behalf.
How you guys do it, I clearly have no clue.

So, I'm a just keep pushing it the way I know how - inconsistently.
One of GNG's peeve's.

108 days of marriage now.
I shouldn't be counting, I know. I'm in this forever. But what the heck.
I am counting. Shoot me.
108 days of living with J in my parents house.
108 days of her not cooking for me. (We eat all sorta junk + my folks do a fantastic job of sending food over to the BQ when we really do need it)
108 days of different estate agents calling me from work that they've seen a 'correct' place for me.
108 days of me dashing off from work for 2hrs to go inspect silly apartments that I can't imagine living in.
108 days of fighting with J and making up, of laughing and crying, of praying and arguing, of bliss and strain. But most importantly, of love.

So, I eventually got a place last week.
J wasn't so excited at first especially as the house ranked as the ugliest on the street and the rent cost didn't help matters. But I saw it as it is to become and managed to convince her to feel the same way too. We paid for the place and the landlord has given us 1 month free to renovate it.

I've never seen J so busy.

The paint colours for the sitting room, kitchen and rooms have changed as much as 20 times in the past 3 days. I kid you not. I just smile and snuggle up to her while she virtually paints/repaints the rooms on the internet. Ok, I lie. I curl up in a corner and read my book, answering 'uh huh', 'nice' to 'What do you think of peach and lavender?', 'violet and burgundy?', 'fuschia and indigo?'

What do you expect me to say?

I only think in primary colours - red, blue, green, yellow. Throw in black and white for good measure.

LASTMA - LAgos State Traffic Management Authority caught me not breaking any law 2 weeks ago (on my birthday) in a very amateur way. Very silly of me.
I still have not returned to my old aggressive Lagos driving self. I need to wake up.

They stopped the car in front of me, then walked around to stand in front of my car on Eko bridge. One of them walks over to the passenger side and asks me to wind down. I do so, but only a small bit. While he was talking, another comes over to my side and asks me to open the door. Only God knows how, but the one on the passenger side managed to squeeze his hand through the window (I think the guy was specifically employed because he had thin hands) while I was distracted and opened the door. Sharp guys.

I just smiled and asked what I had done. Two of them, (in the car by now) went on to explain some gibberish to me which made no sense.

So, in no mood for bullshit, I told them to take me to their office where they would prove the offence. If guilty, I would pay.
They told me we could settle before we go.
I refused.
'Take me to the office. We will follow due process'

I drove off to their office but they told me to park on the street just before the office and went on to tell me I would pay a N25,000 or N50,000 naira fine in the office depending on my traffic offence and go to get a certified fit-to-drive report from a psychiatrist before I could leave with my car.

Anyway, bottom line is that I negotiated with them and paid off N5,000 eventually.
Sad, I know. Especially after my 'gra gra' and I take full responsiblity.

Tobenna is promoting corruption.
Scratch that, I am corrupt.

I should have just done this:


So, I'm looking for a miniature camera to fix in my car so I can capture such delicate negotiations in video for your viewing pleasure. Anyone know where I can get one?

On a side note, I wonder where all my friends are.
They don't call no more. We don't hang out no more. Why?
Is it because I'm married?
Ok guys. You can come out now. I'm done with my honeymoon phase.

P.S. I asked for volunteers to run the Glo marathon with last week and not one person did.
Sad to note that most people are unfit.
When last did YOU work up a sweat?

Keep fit!
I watched bits of the marathon on TV that morning. I couldn't wake up early enough.
Besides, it sounded too stressful.

As to consistency, I can't do it.
Not on this blog at least.

Today is Ash Wednesday. The beginning of the Lenten period.
I wonder why we Pentecostals don't mark this.

of marriage, that is.

The last two months have been ultra busy for me for two main reasons.
I got married.
I've been transferred to Lagos from Port Harcourt.

In between these two, I don't have a car anymore(I sold it, like I said I would here); I moved all my stuff from my PH apartment to a BQ (boy's quarters - I wonder why it's so called) at my parents place in Lagos where I'm currently squatting with my wife (did I just say wife? and squat?); We are house hunting and I am mobility impaired.

I had no clue that I would be going through all this within this period and frankly, it has been very trying on my relationship with J. I'd be honest, she is the very best I could hope for. Period.
So, I have said nothing about my wedding and honestly do not intend to say much.
It went well with only minor hiccups compared to what I hear about weddings.
Didn't tell her about the honeymoon plans until 3 hrs to the flight which made her really excited.
Dubai was great just like some of you recommended.
Did almost everything. Wild Wadi, Indoor skiing, mini shopping for the wife, swimming in the lovely beaches in the blistering sun, safari (not for weak stomached) etc.
We ended up with barely $5 left in our pockets on our way back to Lagos!
That was November.

December, just before Christmas, I moved back to Lagos with all my PH bachelor pad belongings.
Which was better for J (she works in Lagos), especially as I left her in the BQ all alone in the loving embrace of my parents :P
Ok, I admit a lot of wives would refuse to do that. But she's not them. She's J.
So, we are looking for a decent 2/3 bedroom apartment on the Lagos mainland, with proximity to the island. Anyone know any available ones or contacts?

I'm a husband now.
I wear my wedding band on my right hand.

Wait a minute! 'Shwepps!' I forgot the ring at home!

Truthfully though, there are some things that I miss now that I never thought of.
a) I can't hang out with the boy's on weekends and do nothing but chase or at least ogle at beautiful women. Ok. I can still ogle, but I do that with her. Its more fun. Only one look though.
b) I can't just wake up one day and disappear or take a trip, solo. To wherever. As I please.
c) Being on my own.
d) An emotionless relationship with myself & buddies hours on end with my PS3

To further tell the truth, my life is a whole lot better.
a) I'm a lot neater (not like I was not before)
b) I have my bath every night (sigh)
c) I have great meals!
d) I have someone I can tell almost anything. A best friend.
e) I do things for people that I would never have done before
f) She has gradually taken over buying clothes for me and dresses me with style. Yep.

Notice that this list is longer than the previous.

Yeah, yeah. I know. Just 60 days.
I'll let you know if anything has changed in a year's time.
I expect it to. A sexier wife as evide

I'll put up a link to some pictures for about an hour next Monday morning.

Happy New Year everyone!



P.S. Jarrai, Naijalines and Mizchif, can you send me invites to your blogs? If there are others that have gone VIP too, just generally invite me abeg. Or do I have to beg? My email address is on my complete profile page.

The Lenovo T61 laptop I ordered over a month ago just came in and I'm loving it.

I had to order one with low specifications so I could add the cannibalised parts of my old laptop to beef it up. No sense in condemning the laptop since it was only the motherboard that was damaged.

My T61 now has 3GB RAM with a 2.5GHz processor. Woah!



I took Monday last week off work so I could spend one day extra in Lagos for pre-wedding activities, specifically with the church we were getting married in. Spent a few hours with the church administrative staff on the requirements we had to meet et al and was done at about 4pm.

After waiting a while for a non-existent taxi cab to show up, I decided to walk to the Tafawa Balewa Square (TBS) in Onikan, aka Race Course to see if my luck would be better. Upon getting there, I saw the newly introduced Bus Rapid transit (BRT). Apparently, TBS is a major stop for these buses.

I took this taxi-cab picture later in the day.

Note the "danfo" buses in the background with the same ubiquitious yellow with black stripes colour.


On the spot, I decided to get on one of these buses and have fun.


Before I even got to the bustop, I was accosted by different people selling tickets like the lady in this picture. New job for people, I thought. This was a good start.

I found out what bus route I needed to use before I get on a bus to another state (apparently, the red buses go to straight to Oworonshoki, and the blue ones go to Mile 12 while stopping at certain bus-stops along the Ikorodu road axis)



So, the nearest bustop to my destination - Surulere, was the "Barracks" stop. Ticket cost: N50 (40 cents). I promptly paid, picked up the ticket and walked over to the bus stop.









Check out the queue!


Damn!
There were at least 200 people in front of me!
I was beginning to have second thoughts about getting on this bus. This was going to take a long time.
Crap.

Anyways, I made up my mind I was going to get on that bus whatever it took.
So, I joined the looong snaking line. Everything kinda looked organised at that moment.

See that FAN ice-cream cart on that picture to the right, up there? After waiting for about 20 minutes in the hot Lagos sun, I told the person behind me on the queue "I dey come oh" and strolled over and got me a "FAN ICE" yoghourt. Didn't taste like the one I used to love but it helped cool me down.

Got back on the line and joined in the disjointed banter and arguments of my fellow "line mates".


A molue (yes, they are becoming rarer in Lagos these days) shudders by, spewing toxic fumes into the queue. Everyone, or at least, almost everyone, grabs his/her nose to block it out.











I noticed that this sign was on each of the BRT buses.

NO Hawking
NO Preaching
NO Advertising


If you ever had any experience with "Molues", you'd remember the hilarious craziness that accompanies each ride.


Someone would stand up and start with the sentence "Praise the LORD!" and then go on to regale the captivated passengers with jokes, then try to sell something and probably end with a song of praise in which people would join in.

Back to the QUEUE.

I have been in Lagos for exactly 10days now.
I'm BACK!
Yeah!
(P.S. That 'yeah!' is actually waaay overstated. It's actually meant to be a 'Sigh')

A very interesting 10 days, I must say.
My parents and my friends have been housing me all this while.
Will be off to my place in Port Harcourt before the weekend comes.

Somebody fix the AC in the arrivals hall at the Lagos International Airport!
What the heck.
I arrived wearing a jacket.
Ripped that off immediately. Along with my shirt, leaving only my inner t-shirt on.
Was really tempted to remove that too but re-considered. Observing that my bare chest may not elicit the kind of response Timbaland would receive had he bared he's.

No 'sorting' of the Customs people while exiting with my luggage.
Gave them a friendly smile and ignored all the friendly banter "Oga welcome" smile "How that side?" smile "Any better for your boys?" smile

There is no electricity in Nigeria!
Its worse than ever.
I have been here 10 days, there has been power for a total of about 6 hours!
All the electrical power available is self generated. Just have enough money for generator fuel.
NEPA or PHCN (Nigeria's power generating company) has officially shutdown. At least in my area.
I have cried, torn the hair off my head, wailed and finally settled and adjusted into the routine.
We Nigerians are fantastic at just accepting things as they are.
Heard of the food crises world over? And some of the riots?
Well, nothing like that in Naija.
You'd think that the prices of food has remained stable in Nigeria?
Think again..
A quick chat with my mum revealed that a 50kg sack of rice jumped from between N6,000 and N8,000 to between N12,000 and N15,000 in about 3 weeks. That's double!
Same thing with beans, yam and other foodstuff.
What do we do?
Riot and destroy thing like they do in some other countries? Make our voices heard?
Hell no.
We just shrug and continue.
Life continues.
Only the strong survive, only the wise excel.

On the flip side.....
Lagos remains the same crazy, rowdy, rich as well as poor, undiluted and fun loving town.
In 10 days, I have bumped into Pat Utomi (former presidential aspirant), Nduka Obaigbena (chairman, This Day papers) and Tony Elumelu (MD UBA Bank).
They defintely would not recognise me next time though.
Infact, Tony paid a compliment to my wifey to be.
If I felt on top of the world, imagine how she felt :)

There are new restaurants/bars popping up everywhere along with night clubs.
There are now two clearly distinct social scenes in Lagos.
The Mainland groove zone as well as the Island groove zone.
Both of which are mutually exclusive.

Traffic is still bad. I think it has rather improved in some places though.
There are well designed bus stops with turnstiles now on Ikorodu road People actually queue at these bus stops The buses have electronic signages indicating their routes. Damn, I'm impressed. I have to take a ride on them for the experience.

Crime?
I was really afraid of this one, I tell you. After all the stories I had been hearing.
Watching my rear view mirror all the time in the borrowed car I was using.
No incident though. Nor have I heard of anyone so far.
Infact, my friend's here have gone the extra mile in assuring me the town is safer.
I try to be home by midnight at the latest, though.

Police checkpoints?
'Everly.'
How can that not be in Nigeria?
I have been stopped 3 times.
Held once for over 30 minutes at one of the checkpoints after I dropped my wifey a couple night's ago because I had forgotten my driving license at home and refused to 'settle' the guy.
Eventually, he let me go after he saw I was willing to wait it out.
I obey traffic lights now, I don't weave in and out of traffic while blaring my horn anymore, I wear my seat belt all the time (infact, I think drivers wear their seatbelts more in Lagos than anywhere in the world now) and I'm generally a law abiding driver.

One more thing.
Lagos is actually beginning to look lovely.
At least in some parts. There are parks/gardens popping up everywhere. Roads being built.
The lagoon view on the freeway between CMS and Bonny Camp in Victoria Island has been cleared and they are planting palm trees and tiling a walkway along the lagoon with railing to hold and prevent you from falling into the lagoon. Incredible.
I will post some pictures soon of my some of my observations.

As some of you have insinuated, I had a joyful reunion with my wifey.... soupasexy, aijay, smaragd. Be offically warned!
What I do with her is none of your business :P 'ogini? wetin?'
Except you want to buy audio rights. Visual rights are defintely not available.
Oh, and we walk rather well, soupasexy.

About 2 weeks ago, before I returned, she regaled me with this tale of a dashing young man she just met who wants to marry her at all costs. He says she is perfect for him and tried to assure her that I was probably screwing all the chics in Malaysia. So, why wait for me?
But of cause she said she told him off and I believe her.
After recalling another tale that single ladies and guys usually have contingency plans in case boy/girlfriend doesnt work out, I quickly googled his name and found that he was a formidable opposition.
Bottomline, I got back and took her to meet my parents last weekend to do the necessary initial introductions.
Once again, women win. Why? Lord. Why?

So, apparently most of my charming and sweet female readers know too much about menfolk. Infact, some of you even know more than we do about ourselves going from some of the comments on my last post. *sigh* Women never seize to amaze me.

The man has not been born that can claim to totally understand women.

But, if you know this much already, why ask for more information? Why do I suddenly feel like I'm shooting myself in the foot? Giving myself up?

I will take Jinta's advice and keep my mouth shut on this.

No more.

I am sending this post in from the Dubai airport. I have 4 hours to burn in transit.

I had 55kg above the bloody Emirates limit of 42kg. The check in guy at the KL airport looked at my luggages, shook his head and said, "Sir, you have a problem". Well said. Had to spend the next 30 minutes repacking and packing all over again. I hear that's a widely known Nigerian characteristic :) My girl called and talked me through some proper packing skills. Ended up throwing away a number of manuals and packagings.

Emirates charges 150 Ringgits or $50 per bloody kg of excess luggage! That's robbery! Scratch that. Armed robbery. Thankfully, there is a cheaper option that takes about a week to get to you. Phew.
How the heck did I accumulate close to a 100kg of stuff in 4 months? Partly due to those people who gave me a list to shop for them and my lovely large family. I have to get married and cut them off my family list. That way I know it's just me and my wife.

So, here I am, looking forward to a blissful 7hr flight to Dubai. Sleeping and catching up on the latest inflight movies (Emirates really has new movies) and I get stuck with an elderly drone of a man.
From the time I sat down the guy kept on 'yarning'. WTF. I thought business class was for comfort and peace. Not in this guy's view. I was lectured by a 70 year old man on a wide range of topics including investment opportunities in the commodity market, world economy, world politics, problems with Palestinians and Jews, the over 100 countries he's been to, his 35 year old marriage... PHEW.
By the time I finally settled down to watch a movie with the guy soundly snoring beside me, the pilot said we had 30 minutes to touchdown. Drats.

Yes oh. I'm on my way to Lagos after 4 months and there are so many things I miss and more, I think, I do not.
I am excited. And thankful. For many things. Amongst others, J.

Argh. Boarding call for my flight.....

The half marathon comes up next Sunday. 21kms.

Took this picture on my phone in Lagos, some time in October 2007. I was frightened!
Ikorodu road at the Alaka Estate point.
Tanker capsized while descending the bridge spilling tonnes of diesel.
People scrambling for the liquid.
Is it poverty?
Ignorance?
Or plain stupidity?

Anyway, about a month after this, annother tanker this time carrying petrol fell over at close to this same point. People died.

You'd think lessons would be learnt?
Nope.
Another month later, scores of people died from scooping fuel from a burst pipeline in the same Lagos.
Conclusion,
We have a problem.
Serious problem.